Sister Wives star, Kody Brown discusses where he is in his process of grieving a life he once thought he would have. Furthermore, he takes time and reflects on his life up to this point and the changes he wants to make.

Kody Brown Reflects On His Life

While Sister Wives star, Kody Brown has been firm on his stance of not camping out on his kids’ doorsteps, he is assessing what happened. After being excluded from some of the family events, Kody is settling into the realization his life isn’t as full as it once was. In some ways, it is simpler and desirable, but in other ways, he feels hollow. Even though he has what he wants on one hand, he can’t help but regret the loss he is experiencing on the other.

Sister Wives Preview: Kody Brown Reflects On His Life

In a preview, Kody Brown laments about years gone by. During a reflection of his life, he discusses how his world is upside down. For a brief moment, he becomes retrospective and searches for meaning in his life. He says, “It’s my 55 birthday today. I’ve had an interesting life. I remember five years ago on my birthday thinking, ‘Okay, I’m halfway through. What do I want to do for the rest of my life? What do I want to be for the rest of my life?’” Then, he continues, “Last night, I was up late with Robyn. We were having a discussion about our values and the fact that I have struggled with mine through the divorce process. Everything that’s happened.” Admittedly, he concluded that “I’ve lost a sense of direction for my life.”

His Big Picture Is Crumbling

Then, Kody Brown adds, “There’s a struggle that I’ve had because I had this big picture that got shattered. But I have a safe, kind, and sweet place with my wife, Robyn. And then I have tons of guilt because I’m not more involved with everybody else that’s out there.” He was referring to his other children he isn’t connecting with.

Then, Robyn Brown says in a confessional, “Kody’s been a very angry, upset…” she searches for words. Then, says with a large sigh, “Lost person the last few years. And I have to recognize it for what it is. It’s just him in a painful place and him in a place of fear that I will leave him too.”

Kody continues, “What was my purpose ten, fifteen, twenty years ago…thirty years ago? It was always my family, my children.” In many ways, he is realizing the thread that made his life whole.

Kody Brown Is Ready To Recommit

In an earlier episode of Sister Wives Season 19, Kody Brown was pining over the heartbreak of losing his large family. At that point, TLC showed a clip of him contemplating how he would move forward after the fallout in the polygamist dream. However, he vowed that he would refocus on his covenant and rebuild relationships in his life. Much like Scrooge in The Christmas Carol, Kody recognizes that his future looks grim if he doesn’t change its trajectory. Although he had lost three of his wives at that stage and numerous children were pushing him away, Kody promised to do better. Admittedly, his number one desire is to move, “Onward and upward with the goals in life and making my family whole again.”

Check out the preview here.

What do you think about Kody Brown’s retrospective review of his life? Do you think Kody will muster the courage to reconnect with his estranged children? Do you think they will open back up to him? Are you ready to see the new episode of Sister Wives? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.